Pressing on

The IUI didn't work.  It's been a REALLY tough morning, and I'm angry, but what am I going to do about it.  This is the process and we knew that going into it, but that doesn't make it any easier.  It's also a little frustrating that they didn't say "well this is where we go from here"  they just left it at "I'm sorry it was negative". But Jeff and I have decided that we are just going to wait until after the first of the year to do another one.  It's hard on us with the emotions and stress and everything so we need that time. 
I have such an amazing husband!  This is tough on both of us, yet he continues to be the strong one!   He loves on me and knows without me saying so that it's all I want. He puts a smile on my face and makes me laugh even when I just want to cry.  He is truely a blessing from God and I thank God for him each and every day and never take a day with him for granted. There is no way I'm ever going to be able to explain or put into words my feelings for him and how much I truely love him!
I have an amazing family who has been so good about making sure that I am ok and that I'm not stressed and have been my "buffers" and I appreciate that. I have great friends who have kept me in their prayers constantly, and I couldn't ask for more than that.  I am blessed and God shows me daily all of the blessings in my life.  I get to be the favorite aunt to my amazing nieces and nephews who teach me new lessons every day and help keep a smile on my face. 
So we are just going to try and relax and look forward to the holidays with family and then start again after the first of the year. 

Progesterone

I went and had my progesterone checked yesterday since that is something that I am having to do daily.  They called and said that they want the levels to be at 20 or above and mine is 62. So they said that is really good and that if I am pregnant that is a good level to be at to keep the baby safe and healthy until my body takes over.  But I still have to do the daily progesterone. 
So anyway, I go back on Monday to do a blood pregnancy test.  I am trying not to get my hopes up too high, but it's really hard with everything that's going on.  I haven't really been thinking about everything too much until yesterday and now it seems that's all that I think about.  So we shall see!!! 

What Faith Can Do

I LOVE THIS SONG!!!!  Jeff and I have gone through several struggles relating to trying to have a baby.  This song talks about feeling the aches and thinking that it's more than you can take but that you have to look for the Silver Lining and about how there are struggles in life but those things do not hold a candle to what faith can do.  I know that God has a plan for everything and that eventually when it's the right timing that Jeff and I will be blessed with a child of our own.  But it's hard to deal with; it's hard to just let go and let God.  I try and everytime something happens or doesn't happen I get frustrated with God.  I don't think that I am wrong in any way getting frustrated with God because I'm admitting that he is in control, I'm just frustrated that he's not moving at my pace :)

Jeff and I have officially started the fertility process.  We have been told by several friends that we are going against what the Bible says by doing this, and that we just don't have enough faith because if we did then it would "just happen" for us.  These comments makes me SO ANGRY!!!!  I don't think that anything we are doing is going against the Bible.  I truly believe that sometimes God places people in your life to help you along the way.  I believe that God gave people the ability to figure out these procedures so that they can help! 

So please keep Jeff and I in your prayers as we begin all of this.  We are stressed (please don't tell me to relax....it doesn't help....it just makes me mad!), we have a lot going on and this has been a super emotional rollercoaster for me and I'm sure for Jeff too but I think he's trying to hide his emotions right now because I'm so emotional!!