So after a somewhat frustrating day my question to Jeff was "at what point do we give up"? I don't really like using the phrase give up because I don't feel like we are giving up, but I'm really not sure what other phrase to use right now. I told him that I just really feel tired of doing all of the medicines and shots and of being on this emotional roller coaster month after month. Not that I expect everything to be easy but at what point do we stop putting ourselves through all of this and just stop. I know that everything happens in God's timing and that it will happen when it's supposed to and all of those "encouraging" phrases. But at this point it's really hard to keep telling myself that and to keep hearing the same "encouraging" words from people. Most of the time all I want is to be able to vent my frustrations, because trust me there is not a whole lot that you are going to tell me that I haven't already been told. All that to say that the conclusion that Jeff and I have come to is to do a couple of more rounds of just the medicine and then if that doesn't work to do 1 full "round" (the 3 times) of IUI. So we are still going to try, but we both realize that this is really starting to wear on us emotionally and physically.
Another thing that we talked about today was adoption. This is something that Jeff and I have talked about that we both wanted to do even before we were married and adoption has been on my mind a lot lately. Today I was asking Jeff how we will know if that's something that we are really supposed to do or if it's just something that we want to do. I really feel that if God wants you to be doing something that he is going to make that very obvious. So today after having that conversation with Jeff we were listening to the radio and they were talking about adoption and different people were calling in and telling their stories about when they adopted, how they knew it was the right thing to do, their struggles with having kids etc.... etc.... I was listening to these and it really just brought me to tears and gave me goose bumps. But I realized it wasn't because I felt sorry for those kids but because I couldn't wait to be able to experience that opportunity. So that being said this is something that we are really going to start to pursue. We are really going to be praying a lot and ask that you all keep us in your prayers as we start this. We are going to be praying that God shows us the right agency to use and that God will give us patience for this very long road ahead. We know that God has a specific child in mind for us and we cannot wait.
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2 comments:
Once again, don't you just wish God would send you a text message!
Ok, that previous comment was from me, Amber. I didn't know if I was able to leave one since I don't have an account. But anyway...I think it is a good decision to continue with the treatments. And if insurance pays for IVF, I say why not try that also. But of course, its not up to me. We thought about adoption before IVF cuz adoption was a garauntee, but for me personally, I want to try EVERYTHING I possibly can to have a chile of my own flesh and blood. But again, that is purely a personal decision. All of the emotional and physical stress and roller coaster of everything will be SO WORTH it when you finally have a baby. I know what I'm saying doesn't help much. But I've been/am in your shoes and I just thought I'd let you know how Wayne and I came to our decisions. Hopefully this Thursday night won't get cancelled and you can vent. However, I will still be on bed rest so I won't be able to make it. Love you girl! Keep your head up!
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