In the good times and bad

There's been a lot of good times lately and I have SO much to be thankful for; but it's so hard to see that sometimes with all the "bad" things. 
I am SO tired of going through all of the stuff to try and have a baby.  It's hard on me, it's hard on Jeff, it's hard on our families and friends I'm sure.  But I can't give up.  More than anything else in this world I want to have my own child.  People make it sound so horrible, and I'm sure at times it is, but I would give anything to be able to feel that!  We want to adopt at some point, but I want to be able to have my own children as well.  I know without a shadow of a doubt that my husband would be an AMAZING dad and I know that he wants more than anything to have that opportunity and it breaks my heart that he hasn't gotten that chance yet.  I know that we can be parents even if we adopt, but I want to have that experience with my child as well. 
I have my moments where I get emotional and I will be that way every so often, usually its in private at home, but sometimes it just hits and it's SO hard!  So I'm sitting at work and the Phillips, Craig & Dean song You Are God Alone comes on and it just reminds me that God is in control and that one way or another that whatever happens is in God's plans.....in the good times and the bad!  It doesn't make it any easier to deal with, but it's a great reminder.

One step back....

So we had decided that we were going to do another IUI round, but this time we weren't going to tell anyone because it was pretty hard on us when it didn't work the first time and on top of that we had to tell people when they are asking if it worked or not.  So yeah, we wanted to do it and not tell anyone.  So I went in for my baseline ultrasound and during the ultrasound this is what I hear from the nurse (who had the most serious concerned look on her face) "Oh, Oh wow!" I could see the picture and knew that there was a giant whiteish mass on there.  So after a few minutes of that I told her that she was scaring me and asked her what was wrong.  She told me that we weren't going to be able to do the IUI this month because I have a pretty big cyst.  She said that she was going to call in a prescription for birth control and that we would have to wait at least one more month before we do another IUI.  She also said that she would let Dr. Dorsett look at the pictures and then call me in a little bit to let me know the final decision.  So I leave (in tears) and about an hour later she calls and says that it's not a cyst, but a blood clot and that it will probably be at least 2 more months before we can try another IUI again. UUUUUUHHHHHH!!!!!!!!!!!  I am so tired of taking on step forward and then being pushed back to the start again!  So yeah, that's where we are with trying and I am in some serious need of prayers because I am so frustrated right now!